FEELIN' SEXY, Does SIZE matter ???
Chaz's Corner- LapBANDED Living From The Male Perspective:
Well, now that I have your attention...the answer is yes...and no. I will explain further. Sex is something we all have in common. We either want more of it...less of it...or none at all...depending on how we feel about ourselves, our body image, and how we think we are being perceived by others. Here in the United States we have a unique relationship with sexuality that is both obsessive and controversial. Unlike most European countries that have a very matter of fact attitude about sex and sexuality, the U.S. runs the gamut of responses, from puritanical morality, to blatant sexualization by the media of everything from hawking lipstick to some young model seductively devouring a candy bar. We are bombarded by sexualized images...because sex sells...and advertisers know it. They capitalize on our innate sexuality and our own insecurities and they sell more products that we believe will make us more attractive and desirable. So what about the 'obese' population and what kind of toll does it take on OUR self-image and egos? After all, you really rarely ever see advertisers marketing to us fat folks. How does it make us feel about being sexual or intimate? When the beauty standard is pretty much calculated by how slender and perfect a person's body is then how is it possible that we can feel good about our own bodies and ourselves? Only recently have we seen 'larger' celebrities portrayed in a sexier way. The obese have traditionally been the downtrodden and forgotten minority. The majority of us are concerned about how our bodies are going to look after we have lost a lot of weight...even before we have had the surgery. We worry about sagging belly skin or droopy breasts...both the women AND men. When I worked in clinic for my bariatric surgeon, I would be quizzed all the time from my pre-operative patients about what they should expect to look like after their weight loss...and what did I do when I lost all my weight (215 lbs)? How did I handle those changes? All I can say is that it is a complicated issue...that we all have to deal with in our own way. I'd like to share a particularly funny (and embarrassing), moment. When I worked for my bariatric surgeon, one part of my job was to present the first half of our Informational Seminars that we regularly held to educate the potential Banding patients. I would do my thing and talk about the facts and figures on obesity, as well as share my own personal story and photos. At the end of a series of my before and after photos I would show a full naked chest shot of me at 435 lbs...and then down 215 lbs after having some plastic surgery done on my chest to reduce my 'man boobs', or 'moobs' as I like to refer to them. I would explain that everyone has their own perception of what 'normal' would be like for them if they could attain their goal weight. And for me it was to be able to go out in a swimsuit again on one of our beautiful Florida beaches and feel like I just blended in with everybody else. But after a certain age the skin loses its elasticity and it would be unreasonable to expect that 'things' would bounce back the way they would on a 20 year old. So it was just me and my sagging 'moobs'...and that just wasn't cuttin' it for me. So I decided to do something about it and have surgery on my chest to excise the redundant tissue and fat. It was a personal choice and it is certainly not cheap or easy. And I don't recommend it to just everyone. But I did it anyway...and it made me feel more attractive, confident, and dare I say...SEXIER. Yes I said it...sexy...whoo hoo! But the story doesn't end there. After I showed those two chest photos side by side in the PowerPoint presentation, a gentleman in the audience yelled out...hey your chest is a lot hairier now...did you used to shave it? The audience chuckled a little. I looked at the photos and realized it was true. I never shaved my chest hair, so the only thing I could think of to say was that when I weighed 435 lbs all that chest hair must have been more widely dispersed so that it appeared as if I really had very little chest hair. As opposed to the 'Sasquatch' I am regarded as now. It was the only explanation I could think of. Then he said "Hey...your lips look bigger now too. I looked over at the photos a bit dumbfounded, and sure enough...he was right. A lady in the audience said that it must be due to the same phenomenon because my face was so much smaller and less round and full now. My facial features appeared larger. I had never really thought about it that much since I saw myself in the mirror every day and never fully realized the transformation that had occurred. Then the same gentleman bellowed out "hey, I bet OTHER things probably look bigger now too...you know...BELOW the belt!". My surgeon turned to me with a big grin on her face...and I turned beet red. After a very awkward moment that seemed more like an hour of standing there naked in front of a room full of strangers...all I could stammer out was something about "objects in the mirror are closer than they appear". We all had a good laugh. End of story. But the fact remains that most all those people in the audience that night were actually thinking in much the same way. They were projecting into the future and wondering what their bodies were going to look like after a major weight loss...and how it would affect their sex lives. I would say that curiosity is pretty much universal. However the importance of the final result varies widely from person to person. Some people are very concerned about sagging loose skin and are embarrassed or reluctant to be intimate as a result. And some people could care less. I always say to those who are very concerned that it is much more important to be healthy and have a cosmetic problem like that to worry about...than being fat, unhealthy, AND frustrated sexually. I like the line that one lady said to me one time when we were discussing her extra skin and how to disguise it. She simply said to me "that's why God invented 'Spanks'!" A lot to do with sex and sexuality is about YOUR state of mind. How YOU feel about yourself. Most people after losing a good deal of weight are much happier emotionally, and feel more sexual as well. Whether you are in your 20's with raging hormones, or you are in your more 'senior' years when hormone replacement therapy (or a big ol' box of 'penis helper'), is the answer. We all have needs (sexually speaking), and we have to be able to find ways to feel comfortable with our new bodies so that we can express those feelings again and enjoy our lives to the fullest. Sometimes the answer is a little 'nip-tuck'. Sometimes it can just be as simple as talking about it to a close and understanding friend. If you are married then you should discuss those feelings or insecurities you are having with your spouse. You may be surprised to find that it really doesn't matter nearly as much to them as it does to you. But the most important thing about "Feelin' Sexy" is that it has to come from within. It is an attitude. If you believe it yourself...then others are attracted by that sense of self-assuredness. Remember one thing please. If someone says that they aren't attracted to you because you don't have the 'perfect body', then quickly kick them to the curb because they are shallow and not really worthy of you or your time or attentions. There are plenty of nice people out there who will love you for just who you are. And someone who really loves you will love you despite a little 'saggy skin'. And you know what...that's sexy! All My Banded Best!
Chaz Merkel (AKA Chaz Martino www.chazmartino.com)
Or Visit me on Facebook!
Submit your questions and comments to chaz@bandedliving.com
Chaz Merkel
| 
Exploring WLS
Facebook
Twitter
Sandi Henderson
Gloria Samuels
