By: Gloria Samuels

In May of 2007 I was ten months into my journey.  I had lost about sixty five pounds and I found myself see-sawing in a plateau that lasted for over three months.  At first I rationalized: "plateaus are normal and at least I wasn't gaining weight (yet)."

I forced myself to stare in the mirror and be honest with myself about some tough questions:

• Was I expecting to fail again? I had failed over and over at losing weight; maybe I was just doomed to fail again.
• Was I self-sabotaging? Was I somehow afraid of succeeding?
• How important was it for me to break through this and "re-boot" my efforts

Being honest with myself was really hard.  And being honest with my surgeon was even harder.  But when I was really honest, I had to admit that I was making some bad food choices, and I had started grazing.

I was a corporate executive working long hours, not sleeping enough, and leading a "mission critical" project, in addition to being a wife and the mother of two young children.  It was easier to grab a handful of the trail-mix that was free and readily available in the coffee room than to take time for myself.  Handfuls of trail-mix turned into a grazing habit along with too many meals at my desk.  I was falling off the wagon.  The good news is I was still following many of the rules of the band, including not drinking with solids, and staying close to my surgeon, so my band was still helping me with portion control.  This was very different than when I had given up on a diet.  It was less like I needed to come up for air, and more like I had gotten sloppy.  The even better news was that I was able to identify what was happening and finally own up to it.  (It is so much easier to talk about this in retrospect than when it was actually happening!)

Being honest with myself, and saying it out loud to my surgeon helped me re-boot.  I made a commitment to myself and to my surgeon to go back to basics starting with giving up the trailmix.  I also made sure I was really diligent about journaling, and stepped up my exercise by getting a trainer.  I made a decision that I was going to succeed this time; I would not let my fears get in the way.  I would not allow myself to make excuses that my life was too busy or too complicated.

When I returned to my doctor the following month, I had lost five pounds, and had broken through my plateau.  I'm still not sure whether I was self-sabotaging or just letting life get in the way; it was probably some of both.  I do know that this was a defining moment (even though this moment lasted three months) in my journey.

I learned a lot by going through this.  I learned that gaining a few pounds didn't mean I was a failure.  I learned how to go back to basics.  I learned that being honest with myself and talking about it with my surgeon could be really helpful, and I shouldn't be embarrassed about it.  I also learned that I have this tool and I can choose to use it.  I also learned that even if I slack off for a while, as long as I'm following some of the "rules" of my band, it's highly unlikely that I will ever find myself at 232 pounds again.  This truly is different than every diet I've been on. 

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