I woke up this morning a little bit angry with myself.  Last night we went out to dinner.  I did well, having 1 shrimp taco.  I was satisfied.  It tasted great and was no longer hungry.  Then we got home, and the roller coaster began.

My granddaughter’s dog, an 80-pound pit bull/boxer mix had peed on her bed and was laying in it.  Her bed is in my kitchen so we can block her off from the cat and cat box at night.  This is NOT like her, she’s really a very sweet animal who is well trained.  She had been off her feed for several days and I kept asking my granddaughter if she thought the dog might be ill.  The response was always the same- no, she is just having an attitude problem.  I left it alone since the dog was a rescue and was about 10 when she was adopted.  This incident got me going.

In my head I knew the pee all over my kitchen floor wasn’t the fault of the dog or my granddaughter, however I pictured it dripping down into the seams of my flooring and creating a problem of either smell or curling of the flooring and I was not happy.  I didn’t want to raise my voice and say something like “Clean it up quickly before it does any further damage” because then everyone would be in a bad mood and I’d create undo stress in the house.  She was cleaning it up as quickly as she could, and I needed to just back away and let her finish and keep my mouth shut and thank her for doing a good job when she was done.  I did all that, watching TV for a bit before I went to sleep, but not without letting my emotions get the better of me.  I started stuffing my face with food I was neither hungry for, nor which served my health.  I sleep better when I eat NOTHING after dinner so my next trial was getting a good night’s sleep.  That didn’t happen. 

When I look back at last night for the learnings in the incident, I realize I was punishing myself with food.  That’s just downright crazy.  I knew what all the results of eating would be, but somehow my upset brain was on numb yourself with food.  I didn’t eat very much, but it was more than I needed, or really wanted and it started a cascade of actions that had to be stopped.  This could have been avoided if I had taken a few actions which I KNOW work, I have used over the past 14 years and will use for the rest of my life.  Here is what I typically try to do when in a stressful situation:

• Breathe - first and foremost stop and take a few deep cleansing breaths to help clear my head of the upset that is swirling in it;
• Ask myself what can I control in this situation?  This time it would have been to offer to help with the cleanup so that I could satisfy myself that the job was being done thoroughly.
• If there is nothing I can control in the situation I can change what I am doing to get my mind off that old resurgent habit of eating when I am upset - I could have gone to bed, taken a little walk outside, texted or called a friend or relative, put my attention on the TV program instead of the mess in the kitchen that was being handled; picked up a book to read so my hands were busy. 

Every situation provides the opportunity for different responses.  The FIRST action I am responsible for is to STOP and BREATHE so that I stay present in the moment and make my next choice with my eyes wide open.

Yes, even after 14+ years post op I am human, make mistakes around food.  The big difference now is that I own the mistakes, look for a learning moment in them, and then move on.

By the way, the dog will be visiting the vet to see what is going on.