So I woke up Tuesday morning, cold and tired at 4am.  It was 35 degrees at the beach here in Oxnard CA.  I began a discussion in my head that went something like this:

“ Poor you.  You haven’t had enough sleep, it’s really cold outside.  Your bones ached.  You have a headache from the heater.  You will probably freeze if you head to the swimming pool at the gym as planned.  Maybe you should skip it today so you don’t get sick.”

I listened to myself.  As I walked around the house listening to this my posture got curved, I started shivering, my headache got worse, my knees and elbows and ankles and hands started aching worse.  I made my tea, laid out my vitamins, sat down with my Kindle and before I could begin reading I decided that I was not happy being that old, cranky, achy complaining lady living in the I can’t world.  I wrapped my hands around the tea to warm them up and thought about how I wanted to approach my day.

Hmmm, how would I feel at 2Pm, at 5Pm, at 7PM if I stayed home from the gym and wallowed in self pity (and self loathing) all day?  Not good, pretty rotten.  I would probably go out and buy a party size bag of Cheetos or at least a box of dark chocolate covered Peppermint Jo Jo’s and consume the entire thing.  THAT is what wallowing in my aches and pains brings to me….A total sabotage of my work, an excuse to comfort myself with food, an excuse to not get my daily fitness in.  Hmm, what would happen the next day if I did all that?  I would probably continue the self destruction, all in the name of I CAN’T.

I thought about this and sipped my tea, took my vitamins and got my achy self to the gym.  I gave myself permission to swim for only 15 minutes if I got too cold or too anything.  End result, I swam laps for 45 minutes, celebrated with 10 minutes in the hot tub, a shower and then 5 minutes in the dry sauna.  I wound up exercised, warm, and a whole lot less achy.

Best part- I was no longer feeling sorry for myself.  I was ready to make the rest of my day happen and be the BEST ME I could be.

I have negative voices talking in my head frequently.  I also have positive voices to balance them.  The more positive I can be (even if I am faking it until I am making it) the softer those negative voices become until I just don’t listen to them anymore.

Winning with myself, one conversation at a time.