My 17-year-old cat is dying.  It happens to the best of us.  She hides in a dark space and comes out for a few minutes of love and the only thing she will eat now - Kitten Milk Replacement formula.  Sometimes she acts as if she has no idea where her bowl is, and every now and then she gets a spurt of energy when we bring her a fresh bowl of food and pops up from her sleep bright eyed and sort of bushy tailed.

She was a rescue, a feral kitten, and we’ve had her since she was 7 weeks old.  Both my husband and I are sad.  She is the last of our most current set of animals.  We got her at the same time as we rescued a 3-year-old cat who has been gone for a few years. 

This sadness has surfaced in a few interesting ways.  First when we see her struggling we tend to feel bad and ask each other what we can do.  When we conclude nothing but love her, feed her and keep her comfortable we start getting snippy with each other.  I realized this is coming from our desire to “fix” her, and we can’t so we’re angry…  It shouldn’t be at each other, and both of us try not to.

The other way this sadness has surfaced for us both is with the desire to “feed” it.  That’s right.  Eating “crap” will make the sadness go away.  NOT!  After the first round of cookies, followed by some chips the following day I decided to put a stop to this behavior.  It is simply old, well learned behaviors coming back in a time of stress.  It doesn’t serve me at all because it doesn’t make the sadness go away and I just feel lousy after eating sugars or processed carbs.  So - eating my sadness actually makes it worse.

As a child, and young adult, every time I felt and voiced it I would be given food to either celebrate the feeling, or to distract me from actually feeling.

When I feel overwhelmed with sadness I now go and check her food, her water, and what she is doing then pet her and hold her and love her which is much more beneficial to both my cat and me.  The deep sadness passes and I am left sad but still totally capable of functioning.  I have no need to stuff my emotions in to continue with my life. 

My journey continues.  I keep practicing what I’ve learned so I can live my BEST life and not be drowned in anger or sadness.