Here we are, almost at the end of December 2015.  The crazy holiday season is in full swing and I was visiting my brother last weekend and we went out to dinner.  It was my brother, myself, my husband and my adult niece.  As we sat around the table, ordered our food and ate I came to some realizations about food, family gatherings, competition among siblings/relatives and human behavior (mine) in general.

We were at a Chinese restaurant.  Growing up in Brooklyn we went out to Chinese food often.  This is what we typically ordered:

• Wor Won Ton soup
• Egg rolls
• Spare Ribs
• Fried Rice
• Shrimp with Lobster sauce
• Moo Goo Gai Pan (chicken with vegetables)
• Beef with broccoli
• Egg Foo Young
• Almond cookies and ice cream for dessert

This was for 5 people - 3 kids and my parents.  We never had leftovers.  We cleaned our plates and if my memory serves me we probably argued over the last shrimp or the last spare rib.  We always left with our tummies “Thanksgiving Day full”.  This is my memory of many meals out with my family.

This time for 4 adults we ordered the following:

• Wor Won Ton soup
• Egg rolls
• Shrimp in Two sauces
• Pork and vegetables
• Shrimp in Black Bean Sauce
• Moo Shu chicken

It was served with lots of white rice and crispy noodles. 

When the soup was brought to the table I was thrilled that the soup “bowls” were tiny cups- I had a little broth, a shrimp and a bamboo shoot and a water chestnut slice.  My niece (who is about a size 2 and works HARD to stay there) had a single bowl as well.  The guys finished the soup.

The egg rolls were served.  They were spring rolls - you can’t get “real” egg rolls in LA.  I didn’t want them, but decided to try them anyway.  One bite- not worth the rest of the calories.  My niece did the same.  The guys finished all of the egg rolls.

Now comes the 4 dishes we ordered with bowls of rice alongside each one.

I put 4 shrimp and some veggies on my plate.  My niece made one “burrito” of moo shu chicken.  The guys first covered their plates with rice about ½ inch thick and then proceeded to scoop their dish and some of everyone else’s on their plates.  As we sat their chatting and eating I decided to taste a bite of the pork and one shrimp in black bean sauce.  My niece had a little of the pork as she doesn’t eat seafood.

She and I were done.  The guys filled their plates with rice, and then loaded them up again.  My husband was then done.  My brother filled his plate one more time with rice and loaded it with everything on the table. 

At this point I had to get up and leave the table.  Watching my brother eat was kind of turning my stomach.  We had been sitting at the table for way too long anyway.

I thought about my reaction to the overloaded multiple plates of food and came to some conclusions about me, family and food:

• My mind immediately was triggered into being nine years old again and wanting to have more of everything even though I was no longer hungry - didn’t want my brother to get more - it was some sort of sibling rivalry thing.
• Eating with abandon is no longer a pastime that provides any pleasure for me.  The good tasting food in small quantities provides all the pleasure I require.
• Sitting at the table when done eating is dangerous - THAT is where grazing can occur.  If I wait long enough then my small tummy can have another bite of this and another bite of that - that rule of being finished in 20 -30 minutes is important to remember.  We were at that table for at least 90 minutes.  I had to cover my plate with my napkin to keep myself from reaching for more.
• We had a great time catching up on what’s been happening in all of our lives, and the dinner was about enjoying our time together

As the holiday meals are near, my suggestions are for all of you who have had Weight Loss Surgery to remember:

• Don’t sit at the table for too long.  When you’re done eating get up and help clear, serve the next course, or if there are kids you can probably help them or engage them in some way so others can sit and eat to their hearts content
• Don’t judge - while my brother who has had a heart attack might be choosing to kill himself with food all I can do is answer any questions he might have and lead by example no matter how much it hurts to watch.
• Come to the gathering with a story of something that happened that is funny, or exciting, or just ask questions of the others at the table and focus on what is being said so that food is not your main focus.
• We can control what we bring to the table to eat, our portion size, the amount of water we have in the day, the exercise we choose to do, or not do, and that is what we should focus on.

Too much energy is used worrying about things we cannot control.  I declare 2016 the year of letting it go!