One of the many things that have stood between me and sustained weight loss over my 64 years on this planet has been my lack of self love and acceptance.  I know this, but which came first the chicken or the egg?  Was I insecure because I was fat, or was I fat because I was insecure?  Doesn’t matter, what matters is that before all of the changes I have made in the past 8 years can truly become permanent, and I can be really comfortable with my ability to maintain my weight within my goal range I need to accept who I am.  In order to accept who I am, I need to love ME, all of ME, even the parts I don’t like…

Sound strange?  Well, it’s not.  Here’s an example:  It’s easy to say I love my arms because they now have well defined biceps and triceps and show all of the work I have done in the gym and I feel strong and accomplished.  I do, I can say all of that truthfully.  So what’s missing?  When I look in the mirror at my arms I can literally “take them apart”.  I can find lots wrong with them and then I find myself “settling” for the way they look, telling myself that if I had not been obese they would look better than they do.  What in heaven’s name is that all about?  It’s about my insecurity with my own body, my lack of self love and my lack of acceptance.  My arms rock for a 64 year old formerly obese woman and intellectually I know it, but emotionally I have yet to get beyond questioning whether it is really good enough, whether I am really good enough and accepting what is and embracing and loving it.

Wow, was this too much for those of you to whom I give advice, suggestions, tips and recommendations on how to make your weight loss surgery journey a successful one with results not typical?  I hope not.  It was brutal, self assessment.  It’s not too harsh, I don’t need to give myself a little space, or any of the other kind words you all are probably sending my way right now.  I actually don’t NEED to do anything.  Did you think I always choose the correct path, the right answer, and do the right thing?  Nope, if I did I never would have needed Lap Band surgery, right?

Here’s my solution.  I WILL love and accept myself.  Simple, accurate and to the point.  That is my affirmation of the month.  How will I do it?  What’s my plan for turning 64 years of not good enough comparisons of me to either you or some ideal out there?  It is also simple and to the point.  I will replace tearing myself apart with loving myself, fat thighs and ugly legs included.  Each day I will, in writing, love another part of my body.  Day one it was my collarbone.  Day two it was my forearms.  Today it is my shoulders.  I have lots of body parts to love and learn to love and accept.

Is there a lesson of some sort here?  Is there a moral to this story?  Is there a point to all of this?  If we want to summarize it, cross the Ts and dot the Is I would say the point is that life is about choices.  I can choose to hate my arms and be all tied up in that negative self talk, or I can choose to love them and accept them and spend my time being productive and positive rather than negative and depressed.  The negative self talk produces some benefits for me, although they too are negative.  Not loving myself gives me permission to self sabotage and not make good food, exercise or life choices.  It keeps me locked in a place I work daily to stay out of. 

Today in my journey, I choose love, acceptance, positivity, and action.  What do you choose?