It’s been a long two weeks.  Lots of crazy things going on in my life, just like in yours.  My stress level has been through the roof, and I found myself grabbing for a cookie, some chips, or whatever presented itself to me.  My heartburn increased, my stress level kept climbing, and my sleep patterns were awful.  The only things in place were my prepared meals and my fitness.

Do you see a pattern here?  Sunday morning I took the time to review my week and came up with the following conclusions:

• I eat when I’m stressed UNLESS I find another outlet for the stress; yes even at 11+ years post-op I am still falling back into that habit if I don’t stay mindful and in the moment;
• When I eat processed crap like cookies, chips etc., I feel physically bad.  I have too much food on board and my heartburn kicks in especially if I eat at night;
• When I eat at night to “soothe the savage beast within” I am bloated, uncomfortable and do not sleep well;

Let’s not even talk about the scale….Let’s just talk about my health.

There’s a vicious cycle and once I allow myself entry - it is difficult to get out of it.  It’s the same cycle that created the obese, 424 lb woman that chose weight loss surgery, specifically Lap Band, to save her life.  I lived for 54 years in that cycle where I allowed mindlessness to come between me and my health.

Add winter, short days, limited sunlight, and my Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) to the mix and it spells trouble with a capital T.

How do I cut the cycle short?  Reviewing my week helps.  Talking with a friend, or in this case my husband, since he has some of the same stresses in his life, helps me get focus on what I can control and what I cannot control.  I look at my stressors, and if I can’t control it, there is nothing I can do about it.  I can feel worried, angry, upset, and unhappy or any number of emotions, but it is not in my power to change it.  So I feel the emotion; cry, scream at the universe, breathe through it and then let it go.  It doesn’t necessarily go away forever, but staying in the moment with it, deciding that there is nothing I can do about it (whatever the it may be), and then moving forward with things I can do and control allows me to remove the “charge” from the stressor, even if it is only for today.  Tomorrow I can repeat the same process.

The cookies, the chips, the second martini may help me “feel better” in the moment with their soothing qualities; however dollars to donuts I will be reliving that same emotion in a few hours, or tomorrow and using food or calories from any source to stuff the feeling away will not help me be in control of my destiny.

I am the boss of my life.  What someone else does, or is, does not dictate who, or what I am, and allowing anger, hurt, worry, or any other emotion serves no positive purpose in my life.  To rule my choices is giving away my control.  I choose to be CEO of my own life, create my destiny and do the best I can every day.

Those days include:

• Scheduled fitness at least 5 days a week;
• Eating firm protein first and low carb veggies, then adding other foods if hunger or the desire still exists;
• Drinking at least 64 ounces of water daily;
• Taking my vitamins and supplements;
• Not permitting outside influences to negatively influence my behavior;
• Shooting for 5-7 hours of sleep per night;
• Living my best life for ME and not trying to be a martyr in family matters;
• Limit my contact with those who create negativity in my life;
• Surround myself with like minded loving people.

Reporting in after 3 days of clean eating - heartburn is 90% gone; the desire to scream at the universe has left the building; and I am not as physically “weak” as I was feeling after feeding my body crap.

Oh, and my clothes are fitting looser and I don’t feel bloated.

That’s how I do it.  Thank goodness I have my Lap Band to keep me in check the majority of the time, as long as I am not reaching for slider foods.

I am NEVER going back.  I choose life, health, physical fitness, oh, and happiness… because happiness is a personal choice too.