Thanksgiving dinner was great.  I ate on a small plate, had one serving of turkey and a little bit of everything else as planned.  With help I cleared the table, loaded the dishwasher and put this first round of food away.  Then it was time for dessert.  First we lit the Hanukkah candles and along with the requisite potato pancakes, applesauce, and sour cream there was pumpkin pie, pecan pie, flourless chocolate cake, brownies, cookies and my pumpkin protein pudding.  I actually had a little taste of the sweets, passed up the potato pancakes and was still doing fine.  My guests went home, my husband and I put the house back together, cleaned the last of the dishes and sat down to rest.  All in all it was a wonderful day.  I had gone to the gym in the early morning, had a great time visiting with my family and sent everyone home with the leftover sweets, or so I thought.

Then came Friday morning.  I woke up, made a cup of coffee and noticed that nobody had taken the cookies.  Oh well, just one will not hurt me, right?  WRONG!!!  I proceeded to eat all but two of them, and the only reason I didn’t eat those two were because my husband took them and ate them.  What is this all about?  Was I hungry?  No.  did they taste that GOOD?  NO!  Did I really want them?  NO!  Then WHY?  Why did I eat all of those cookies?  Did they taste that good?  Well, they did taste good but I think by the 6^th cookie I probably didn’t taste them anymore.  What do you think?

Then came the self examination.  What emotion was I choosing to not feel by stuffing it along with the cookies?  Did I feel guilt and shame for eating the cookies?  No, no guilt, no shame.  I did it, I owned it, and I needed to move on.  It was tough moving on because my body physically felt horrible.  My mood was awful, I had no energy, needed to drink more water, and guess what, needed to eat protein to provide the fuel my cells wanted, not the sugar it was telling me it “needed”.  I plodded through the rest of Friday, and went to bed early after making my turkey soup and having it for dinner as well as freezing lots for other meals and woke up Saturday with a new attitude.

Off to the gym with my protein drink in hand, sticking with protein and produce the rest of the day and heading out in the evening for another family event.  Another holiday dinner complete with potato latkes (pancakes) applesauce, sour cream, broccoli and cheese and stuffing mixture, and a few other cheesy, creamy dishes that I avoided.  I held on to my plate, chose salad, turkey and steamed squash for dinner and had my pumpkin protein pudding for dessert.  Whew, made it through that one unscathed.  I just kept getting up from the table and clearing dishes and helping serve drinks instead of sitting and picking.  I had a great time and did not let food be my social event.  I must admit though the both the brownies and the strawberry cheesecake looked delicious, but I was beginning to feel physically better than I had on Friday and made the mindful choice to keep feeling that way.

Sweets are obviously a big trigger food for me.  Why?  Could it be that Mom solved all my hurts of any type when I was growing up with a piece of this or a taste of that?  Maybe, but I am more than just my past.  I am today and I am tomorrow and I alone am responsible for my choices.

One bad day, or one bad choice is NOT going to put 250 pounds back on me, although continuing to make choices that don’t support my health will certainly have a negative effect.  It’s all about me choosing not to feed my addiction.