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When I first began investigating lap band surgery as a possibility 7 years ago, I attended a seminar where I was given an overwhelming amount of data on weight loss surgery in general as well as specific data about the lap band. I was confused, had more information than I could possibly digest, and really wanted to know what it was like to have had lap band surgery, and did it really work. I made an appointment to see the surgeon, but then looked through my information and found that a lap band only support group was meeting in a week or two in my area. I decided to attend the support group meeting to have the opportunity to see and talk to people who had surgery to try to understand what this was all about. In retrospect this was probably the best thing I did for myself.
My husband was extremely supportive of my decision. As a matter of fact he came to the meeting with me, and continued to attend the meetings with me for about a year. When he started napping at the meetings I decided to let him off the hook. While he was behind me 110% and was my sounding board for some things, there was no substitute for talking with people who had the band, finding out what their challenges were, what they ate, what they did, how quick or slow they lost the weight, and most of all would they do it again if they had a choice. This was where my real education began, as did many special friendships. The other 20 or so people in the room didn’t judge me, they accepted me for who I was, one of them, whether they were currently a size 2 or a size 22. It didn’t matter. This was a place I walked into and instantly felt safe- there were not many of those places in my life at the time. If I asked a question it was answered with patience and usually started a lively discussion of the various possibilities of answers. No question was stupid or inappropriate. We covered everything from what to eat for breakfast, how many fills until you felt restriction to when could you resume all sorts of exercise after surgery. Sometimes there was a specific topic of discussion such as not drinking with meals and why that is important and ways to implement it in your life, and sometimes it was just a general discussion. I went to my first lap band support group in February 2004 and have been attending ever since.
I continue to go because I meet new people, make new friends and always leave a meeting with a new bit of knowledge. Try telling your size 2 coworker how difficult it was to not eat a second piece of your birthday cake. They understand completely, right? I don’t think so, but everyone in the support group does because they’ve probably faced your challenges with food and the lap band themselves on their journey, or, they will learn from listening to you because they are about to encounter that very thing next week.
Friends. We all need friends right? Many of us have had friends who didn’t want us to have the surgery or just want us to have one more piece of …….you can do it just this one time, right? How about friends who, like you want to go out to dinner and need to learn how to do it with a lap band? You can go on line to the restaurant of your choice and look through the menu together and select your dinner so you know, in advance, what you will order and how it fits in to your eating plan for the day. That works, right? That’s what many of us from my lap band support group do. Now how about those days when you just feel defeated. We all have them, right? What do you do now that you are no longer eating yourself into a stupor to deal with those feelings? Do you tell your size 6 BFF that you are a failure, you’ll never lose the weight, you ate a cookie last night and you know you will be punished for it and expect that person to understand the depths of your despair and the fact that you’re trying to self sabotage into giving yourself permission to go for the whole box of cookies? Bet that size 6 BFF never ate a whole box of anything at one sitting. They will do their best to understand you, but when I email or call one of my lap band buddies, or just post on bandedliving.com I know I will have someone who understands my pain and can help me through it so I can get back on the horse and make choices that are good for me. No lectures, no permission to keep at any sort of downward spiral, just a reality check and a few words of encouragement.
This past weekend I took some pictures while I was wearing a tank top and jeans. I emailed them to a friend along with a picture from 7 years ago in similar attire. I told her I knew I looked a lot different but I still thought the pictures were horrible and I looked, okay I’ll say it, fat. So my on line support buddy took these pictures, found the current one that most matched the 7 year old picture and put them together for me as one. I still hate the current picture of myself, but the main thing is that looking at “me” side by side I can see how great my accomplishment was. I couldn’t see that without having it done for me.
That turned my entire day around and put a big smile on my face. Thank you.
I’m also thinking about people who live in areas that are not accessible to support group meetings. How can we all pitch in to help them succeed? I still depend on my support system - my husband, my daughter, my friends, my surgeon and his staff, my on line support friends every day and I want to be able to give back to the community that has supported me all of what is necessary to keep them supported.