My 18-year-old cat Sushi passed away Sunday night.  She went peacefully, after spending a typical cat day eating, sleeping, and getting petted.  It appears that her heart just quit.  I am sad, I miss her very much.

When I get up in the morning there is nobody waiting outside my bedroom door to greet me with her meow, race me down the stairs, and pace back and forth in front of her food bowl.  In the evening when I finally sit down to catch some TV there is no warm fuzzy baby cuddling in my lap, pressing on my arm and shoving her head under my hand so I will pet her.  It hurts.  I cried.

I am still looking for her, but then the loss is still very fresh.  I think my Granddaughter’s dog is still looking for her as well.  She was actually my husband’s cat.  We adopted her when she was 7 weeks old and brought her home to my cat, a 3 year old who had been adopted just a few weeks before.  They were a great team and I lost my cat Savannah a few years ago at 17 years old.

But I digress.  So, whatever is the connection between my cat dying and weight loss surgery?  It is me recognizing that it’s perfectly okay to feel sad, to actually sit in that sadness, missing Sushi, crying if necessary and then moving on with my life.  It’s the actions I didn’t take that are the result of my weight loss surgery and the healthy lifestyle I choose to live.  I can feel the pain and push through it to the other side.  I do NOT need to stuff my face with processed carbs to stuff the pain and make it go away.  Food will NOT make me feel better.

What makes me feel better is getting my workouts done as per schedule because if ever I needed those feel good hormones, the time is NOW.  What makes me feel better is the knowledge that my fur-baby had a great life, longer than most cats and passed without pain and suffering.  Remembering how the older cat (Savannah) chose to groom Sushi when we brought the kitten home, and how even when they were both adults the grooming continued (in my lap I might add) helps me feel better.  Yes, remembering the good times and the peace and comfort and joy and laughter she brought to our lives is what helps me.

I do not need to eat to feel better.  THIS IS MY LIFE AFTER WEIGHT LOSS SURGERY.

Rest in peace Sushi.  I hope you are in Kitty heaven running around with your foster mama Savannah.

My Father used to say - that if reincarnation was real - he wanted to come back as a cat in our house.  I wonder if that’s why my lessons were learned so well.